Greg and Andrea James

Dear He Says/She Says: My husband and I just bought a new house, right on the beach. It’s beautiful; it’s our dream house. Normally that would be great, but ever since we moved here, we get no privacy. Either his family or mine are always stopping by. And then there’s always people running up from the beach, either asking to use the bathroom or the phone, or inviting us to a party. My husband says this is part of living by the beach. I say it’s driving me crazy! What can we do to make it OUR home again? – Ready to Jump in the Ocean

He Says: Your husband is dead wrong in this case. First thing to do is put up No Trespassing signs around your property, or even a fence, if it’s allowed. Second, tell your families that just because you live at the beach it doesn’t mean it’s free vacation time for everyone. Remind them that it’s your house, and they should do like they always did – call first, don’t stay too long, and respect your privacy. You might hurt some feelings, but it’s better than losing your sanity. By the way, when can I come over for lunch?

She Says: Does this mean I can’t come by and hang out at your house?! Just kidding. Here’s what you do: Shut the blinds, take the phone off the hook, and
don’t answer the door. Do this for a couple of days and people will get the hint. And make it clear to the relatives and friends that this isn’t a party spot, unless YOU decide to have a party. It’s your house, and they should respect it as such. Tell them they’re perfectly welcome, as long as they’re invited! And tell your husband to back you up, or he might be out on the beach when it’s time to go to bed!

Dear He Says/She Says: Ok, here’s the thing. My husband constantly invites this other couple over for dinner. He’s really good friends with the other man, and thinks that just because this other woman and myself both work in the same field (real estate) that we’ll have a good time together while the two of them talk it up. Problem is, I can’t stand either one of these people! They’re boring and annoying. My husband says I’m not trying hard enough. How can I put an end to this? – At the End of My Rope

He Says: Put your foot down and say you don’t like them and don’t want them coming over. Your husband ought to respect your wishes too. If he insists on them coming over, make yourself scarce; go out with your own friends. Also, let him know it’s his responsibility to cook and clean up afterwards. You’d be surprised how quickly he finds a way to meet his friend somewhere else.

She Says: Guess what? You’re married; you need to make the occasional sacrifice. Ask your husband if maybe he can make plans with the other fellow outside of your house, like going to a game or a bar for a few drinks, so that he can see his friend and you don’t have to deal with the other couple. But don’t ask him to give up the dinner parties altogether. Just grin and bear it.