Greg and Andrea James

Dear He/She: I have known a guy for years. We have been friends for a long time. Recently we have gone out four nights in a row. He always used to say he would never date the same girl twice unless she was "the one." I don't think anyone has ever felt the way I feel about him!! Do you think he thinks I am "the one?" - Sandy

He Says: "The one?" If I had a quarter for every time someone thought they'd met 'the one' I wouldn't have to work for a living. I remember the first time I met 'the one,' I was a high school senior. Then I met 'the one' again in college - twice! Listen, take a step back, look at this from a different perspective - pretend one of your best friends came to you with this problem. What would you tell her? Maybe relax, wait a while, see how things develop? Four dates doth not a relationship make, Sandy.

She Says: Sandy, Sandy, Sandy. I know where you're coming from. My first "the one" is now married with three kids - to someone other than me! So far you're not "the one" to him, you're someone he likes enough to ask out more than once. What he said years ago might not apply today, know what I mean? When he puts the ring on your finger, then you're the one. Until then, treat it like any other relationship. After a few more dates, if things are still going well, ask him where you guys stand. Let him know you want to take it to the next level - going steady. Whatever you do, don't ask him if he thinks you're "the one." Unless you want to see how fast "the one" can run!

Dear He/She: My boyfriend of 4 years told me he was invited by his cousin to go to on vacation in two weeks. I think the cousin is going to be doing a lot of girl watching, partying, and going to the beaches. He is recently divorced and very bitter towards women. He is 48 and I wish he would act his age. He has a real chip on his shoulders and a mouth to match. My boyfriend said he is not going because he is too busy at work. I am hurt because he didn't discuss this with me; I was never included in their plans. Am I insecure? - Traci B.

He Says: Traci, B careful - you are definitely being insecure. Also controlling. I mean, I don't see the problem here; you wouldn't have wanted him to go, right? Well, he didn't. Don't make a problem where there isn't one. He doesn't have to ask your permission to turn down a vacation with someone other than you. What's next, he has to ask permission to turn down a date from another woman??

She Says: Are you insecure? Is the sky blue? You're worrying about something that didn't happen, upset because your boyfriend did exactly what you would have wanted him to do, he just didn't ask you. Did you stop and think that maybe the reason he turned it down was because he knew it wasn't the right thing to do? He could have used the work excuse just to keep up 'masculine' appearances, but deep down didn't want to go on that kind of a vacation 'cause he's faithful to you. Instead of being upset, you should be cooking him a nice inner - you've got a great guy, don't blow it.

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