Unfamiliar with what “female survival” is exactly? Well basically, it’s the process of how a woman can uniquely get herself out of a particular situation. Sometimes it might be a situation that is a bit more universal, like being late or getting lost, but quite often it is a situation that only a woman would find herself in.

Sometimes it is the combination of the event and the solution that makes it even more notable, and it’s the ingenuity of these women and their cleverness that should be celebrated… and it is also what makes most men think we’re crazy.

I went over to my friend Joel's apartment to visit one evening, two days after he had returned from a trip overseas. Joel is a single dad, and his 2 1/2 year old son, Danny, who had traveled with him to Europe, had been suffering from an upset tummy and frankly, was constipated! He hadn't been able to relieve himself for the two days that they had been back already.

Joel asked me if I wouldn't mind just keeping an eye on the little one, while he ran to the grocery store two blocks away to pick up some laxative for his little boy.

You need me to do what!?!?!?!

It is a little embarrassing that I am a somewhat uncomfortable around children, but I'm a 35 year old professional working woman, and I haven't really had to deal with little kids since I was babysitting at age 16! Not to mention, I hadn't spent any significant amount of time with Joel's boy, so he was REALLY not familiar with me. However, Joel assured me that Danny would be fine, he said Danny was used to being with different people. He also assured me that I would be fine, he was only going to be gone for 15 to 20 minutes.

Oookaaaay…, what the heck, how hard could it be, right? He was going to be back in no time at all.

Well, about two minutes after Joel walked out the door (just long enough for Joel to be completely out of ear shot), little Danny started crying and screaming! It was loud, I mean loud! I began to freak out a little too.

Danny wasn't quite at a speaking age yet, so there were really no words, just panic! His dad had left him all alone with a stranger! And it was obvious he didn't trust me.

I tried to speak to him, to console him and let him know that dad was coming right back, but he just wasn't having any of it! He just cried and cried AND CRIED…

Another few minutes go by, and I began really freaking out. The neighbors are going to think I am hurting him, so I think maybe I should approach him and give a hug or try to pick him up or something. As I did, Danny seemed to get even more anxious, he screamed louder and began to get really squirmy.

I even tried a little game of Peek-a-boo with him. But the crying and screaming and squirming continued. I didn't know what was going on. A few minutes passed, and Joel returned, suddenly, there was an unusual aroma in the air… apparently Danny was finally over the constipation! There really was no need for medicine after all!

Joel turned to me and laughed and said "I guess you really can scare the s**t out of someone!"

Send us your Female Survivor stories! We invite all of our readers to submit their stories on how to cope with quirky situations. If you have had an experience you’d like to share, or have heard of another woman’s experience that you believe our readers would enjoy and learn from, please e-mail your submissions. Your story may be chosen and published in an upcoming issue of Melt Magazine.

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©Melt Magazine 2004