I have been working on my Art, and
I am a massage therapist, but no one is hiring. I must be doing something
wrong. Obviously...geesh! Confidence is waning as I am vicariously living
through other people's lives. What to do?
Thanks for your question and it is a familiar place for many. In Ontological
coaching we have clients look at being fully responsible for how their
lives are turning out. We talk about "Being at Cause" in the
matter of our lives and giving up "Being at the Effect" of people
"Being at Cause" in the matter of one's life means choosing
who you are going to be and what you will do in the moment. Choosing in
a way that empowers you and your life. This gives you Power in your life.
"Being at the Effect" of people and circumstances leaves you
disempowered and a victim.
Regarding your massage business, you have a choice also. There are many
people who could use a massage and are willing to pay for it.
Ask yourself if you are you operating
from your Essence (the best of who you
are) around your business or if you are operating primarily from your
survival mechanism (which is your automatic way of being, especially when
your afraid)? Ask yourself who are you committed to being about it and
what are you willing to do?
Some people are driven by their survival
mechanism most of the time and when that happens, typically they suffer
through their work and their business suffers as a result of operating
It is not a "doing something wrong" if you operate out of your
survival mechanism or allow yourself to become powerless in the face of
people or circumstances. However, You may want to ask yourself if this
is what you are committed to. If it is, then it's important to take a
stand about who you are and what you provide for people in your business,
then practice being your word about it.
Support structures are important to consider, as playing the Lone Ranger
in the projects you are involved in can be difficult. It's great to have
someone or a team of people you can check in with regularly regarding
how it is going. I myself have a buddy that I speak with every Monday
to review what my promises are for the week regarding my Being, the Actions
I will take, what my results were from the previous week and what I am
committed to. This is in addition to having my own coach. I find this
provides a powerful structure that supports me and my goals. It's something
you may want to consider for yourself.
Recomended reading for
your business is Get Clients Now by C.J. Hayden
(Best done in conjunction with a partner or buddy)
To learn more about what Ontological coaching
is click here.
If you would like to submit a question
or learn more about becoming a coaching client or a coach yourself click
here. Your question and answer could be in the next issue of Melt
* Stacy Ekstrand, L.C.S.W., C.P.C.
*Stacy is a licensed psychotherapist
and is a Certified Professional Coach. As an Ontological Coach, she works
with people to obtain an extraordinary life by their design. Some examples
of her clients include; a seven time Emmy award winner who is working
to put a television show on the air, a computer business owner looking
to increase his capacity to be in an extraordinary relationship, an HR
Administrator at a major corporation wanting to develop his coaching skills,
a female business owner wanting to produce a book, an insurance salesman
wanting to save his marriage and increase his business/income, an art
teacher wanting to enjoy her job more often.
Stacy also assists in training other people who are interested in becoming
more "Ontological Coaching" click here to view back issues.