by Stacy Ekstrand

Dear Stacy,

I have been working on my Art, and I am a massage therapist, but no one is hiring. I must be doing something wrong. Obviously...geesh! Confidence is waning as I am vicariously living through other people's lives. What to do?


Thanks for your question and it is a familiar place for many. In Ontological coaching we have clients look at being fully responsible for how their lives are turning out. We talk about "Being at Cause" in the matter of our lives and giving up "Being at the Effect" of people and circumstances.

"Being at Cause" in the matter of one's life means choosing who you are going to be and what you will do in the moment. Choosing in a way that empowers you and your life. This gives you Power in your life. "Being at the Effect" of people and circumstances leaves you disempowered and a victim.

Regarding your massage business, you have a choice also. There are many people who could use a massage and are willing to pay for it.

Ask yourself if you are you operating from your Essence (the best of who you
are) around your business or if you are operating primarily from your survival mechanism (which is your automatic way of being, especially when your afraid)? Ask yourself who are you committed to being about it and what are you willing to do?

Some people are driven by their survival mechanism most of the time and when that happens, typically they suffer through their work and their business suffers as a result of operating that way.

It is not a "doing something wrong" if you operate out of your survival mechanism or allow yourself to become powerless in the face of people or circumstances. However, You may want to ask yourself if this is what you are committed to. If it is, then it's important to take a stand about who you are and what you provide for people in your business, then practice being “your word” about it.

Support structures are important to consider, as playing the Lone Ranger in the projects you are involved in can be difficult. It's great to have someone or a team of people you can check in with regularly regarding how it is going. I myself have a buddy that I speak with every Monday to review what my promises are for the week regarding my Being, the Actions I will take, what my results were from the previous week and what I am committed to. This is in addition to having my own coach. I find this provides a powerful structure that supports me and my goals. It's something you may want to consider for yourself.

Recomended reading for your business is Get Clients Now by C.J. Hayden
(Best done in conjunction with a partner or buddy)

Coach Stacy

To learn more about what Ontological coaching is click here.

If you would like to submit a question or learn more about becoming a coaching client or a coach yourself click here. Your question and answer could be in the next issue of Melt Magazine.

* Stacy Ekstrand, L.C.S.W., C.P.C.
    *Stacy is a licensed psychotherapist and is a Certified Professional Coach. As an Ontological Coach, she works with people to obtain an extraordinary life by their design. Some examples of her clients include; a seven time Emmy award winner who is working to put a television show on the air, a computer business owner looking to increase his capacity to be in an extraordinary relationship, an HR Administrator at a major corporation wanting to develop his coaching skills, a female business owner wanting to produce a book, an insurance salesman wanting to save his marriage and increase his business/income, an art teacher wanting to enjoy her job more often.
Stacy also assists in training other people who are interested in becoming a coach.

For more "Ontological Coaching" click here to view back issues.

© Melt Magazine 2004