by Stacy Ekstrand

Dear Coach,
Recently I discovered that I am not happy. I am not unhappy either. It seems I just am. Its like I am not "in love" my husband any more, but yet I am not without great feelings for him either. The same goes for work. It is as if I am numb, I am on a conveyer belt just moving through my life.

I was wondering if you had any thoughts on this condition?

Thank you for your inquiry. . and welcome to Humanity 101 as my coach would say! Many people including myself have experienced "the conveyor belt syndrome" if you will, at least once in their life.

You feel like you are on automatic pilot, just going through the motions and as you say. You just are. People get used to living their life in their comfort zone, doing much of what they already know and is familiar to them. It feels safe, routine and perhaps hum drum at times.

There is another place to come from worthy of consideration, it is living on the edge of your comfort zone or completely outside of it where there is more of the unknown, uncomfortable and unfamiliar and in the field of possibility. It is here one gets to experience an adventure that can be scary and exhilarating. One that makes them emotionally tingle!

The great thing about being where you are at right now is that it is a wonderful place to begin creating possibilities in your life. It's an opportunity to look at your life to see what you would like to invent, a future you would love to have and step into. Begin to look to where you would like to increase joy, satisfaction and power in your life. What would that look like?

When you assess the environments of your life; your relationships with family, friends, romantic partner (husband),work/career and the relationship with yourself, what would bring those areas of your life to a 10 on a scale of 1-10? What intention(s), goals would you like to make for each of those areas in your life? What does your heart/soul desire? It's an opportunity to dream, dream big and create goals that inspire you, call you forward vs. push you forward.

Discover what you want to have, be and do before you die. Whenever that is. Begin to envision and choose which games/goals you say are worth playing for regardless of whether you win or lose...(You don't dance to get to the other side of the dance floor someone once said). Inquire within yourself- where are you now, where you would love to be and what's missing between those two things. Write it down, so you can read it back to yourself, so you don’t loose site of your goals and desires.

Close the gap by choosing who you will be and what you will do (action) to take your life in the direction that fuels your soul. Bring passion to your spirit. Begin practicing Being and Doing those things now so that your future actually determines your now, not your past.

For example, if you choose to create the intention around your relationship with your husband. "I want a fun, loving, exciting romantic partnership with my husband."

What's next, is to look at what would be required of you to fulfill that intention.

1. What qualities as a person would you need to generate Being?

2. What actions would you need to take to have that occur reliably and consistently?

3. What negative/disempowering stories/conversations would you need to give up that don't support your intention?

4. What are current ways of Being and Actions you would be willing to give up in order to have your intention come about?

5. What structures (perhaps a date night) would you be willing to put in place to assist in fulfilling on your intention?

6. What skills and resources (people and materials) do you have/need?

All of these questions can be applied to different areas of your life as well such as work. A Coach can be a powerful resource as they will assist you weekly to support you through areas when you get stuck, are resisting, have blind spots or experience a loss of power, in order to get you out of your own way so you may have what you say you want in your life.

Thanks for your inquiry! Best Regards- Coach Stacy

A few great reading resources to consider-

Feel the Fear and
Do It Anyway
by Susan Jeffers.
The Last Word on Power
by Tracy Goss.
Getting The Love
You Want
by Harville Hendrix

To learn more about what Ontologicaly coaching is click here.

If you would like to submit a question click here and fill out the submission form. Your question and answer could be in the next issue of Melt Magazine.

* Stacy Ekstrand, L.C.S.W., C.P.C.
    *Stacy is a licensed psychotherapist and is a Certified Professional Coach. As an Ontological Coach, she works with people to obtain an extraordinary life by their design. Some examples of her clients include; a seven time Emmy award winner who is working to put a television show on the air, a computer business owner looking to increase his capacity to be in an extraordinary relationship, an HR Administrator at a major corporation wanting to develop his coaching skills, a female business owner wanting to produce a book, an insurance salesman wanting to save his marriage and increase his business/income, an art teacher wanting to enjoy her job more often.
Stacy also assists in training other people who are interested in becoming a coach.

If you would like to contact Stacy and learn more about becoming a coaching client or a coach yourself click here and fill out the submission form with your contact information and Stacy will get back in touch with you.

For more "Ontological Coaching" click here to view back issues.


© Melt Magazine 2004