Unfamiliar with what “female survival” is exactly? Well basically, it’s the process of how a woman can uniquely get herself out of a particular situation. Sometimes it might be a situation that is a bit more universal, like being late or getting lost, but quite often it is a situation that only a woman would find herself in. Not that it’s a woman’s fault per-se, for being or getting into these particular situations, because every so often the situation arises because of the very nature of being a woman. You will get my meaning as you read the story below.

However, in essence, the type of situation is not what gives the story merit making it worth telling, it is the survival technique used that makes it worthy of passing the knowledge on. True, sometimes it is the combination of the event and the solution that makes it even more notable, but it’s the ingenuity of these women and their cleverness that should be celebrated… and it is also what makes most men think we’re crazy.


Well lets get started…

This installment was submitted by Ms. Dawn, from somewhere in Southern California.

It was a Saturday and I was in Palm Springs. I was there to attend my friends wedding. The bride and groom planned a Moroccan theme for their event, so they requested everyone wear white or tan. I had just arrived to my hotel room and the wedding was to start in less than an hour, and I hadn’t even showered yet.

It wasn’t my fault that I was so late getting there. Oh no it was all the other things… you know, I had a lot of work to finish, errands to run which of course left no time to pack. Basically, you name it, if there was something that could have come between me and leaving with enough time to pack properly and allow me a leisurely block of time to get ready when I arrived, it did.

Anyway, I quickly jumped in the shower; a QUICK 5 minutes, got out and started to get dressed. That’s when the real trouble started. I intended to put on my white thong panties, to go under my very WHITE skirt, but alas, they were nowhere to found. Later, when I returned home, I found them conveniently on the bed, placed in such a manner that it would be nearly impossibly to miss them. I did say nearly impossible.

I tried the other pair of black bikini underwear I had brought, but obviously that didn’t work under my (remember) WHITE skirt. I even tried none at all, but that had a similar and shall we say even more embarrassing shadow beneath the white.

By now, I had less than 30 minutes to get ready and to drive to the location. Granted, that was only 10 minutes away, but under the circumstances, that was too long!

Right then, a bit of a miracle happened - I noticed that I somehow managed to pack a pair of pantyhose, not the designated white undies mind you, but a pair of pantyhose. Now, normally that might serve the purpose, however the only shoes I had were the kind of sandals that, for a lack of a better term, had a “thong” that goes between your big and second toe. Well, as you can imagine that wouldn’t work too well with the pantyhose, and really would have been the kind of fashion statement that I didn’t want to make. Not that I am that conscious of such things, but there is a limit!

“What to do, what to do?” I thought in a panic. “I’ll cut the legs off the pantyhose!” Of course, all I had was my pocketknife in my purse (which I recommend never leaving home without one). Anyway, needles to say, it was bit difficult cutting through the stretchy spandex but it worked, or so I thought… when I put them on with out the legs, a sort of rolling occurred which caused an even greater disturbance - BULGES in all the wrong places!

Now it was time to take it one step further and slice my way to a thong. Yeah, just a little more careful shaping and I would have the answer. Sure enough with a small amount of patience and care I cut the perfect fit. Within seconds, I was dressed and ready for the ball, I mean wedding, and no one but me the wiser… and, well, now of course all of you.

Send us your Female Survivor stories! We invite all of our readers to submit their stories on how to cope with quirky situations. If you have had an experience you'd like to share, or have heard of another woman's experience that you believe our readers would enjoy and learn from, please e-mail your submissions. Your story may be chosen and published in an upcoming issue of Melt Magazine.

To make a submission click here.


Kiss My Face

 

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