As usual I can't sleep, this time it's just too damn hot. I tried to open the window but the noise from the cars in the street and the helicopters above keeps me awake. It's a no win situation. As I toss and turn in bed, I reach over in vain, hoping somehow you'll have been magically transported to my side. I bury my face in my pillow but it only serves to frustrate me further as the smell of you lingers there. "Bastard," I mutter to myself as I throw the pillow from the bed. Seconds later it's in my arms and I am hugging it like a lost five year old.
I close my eyes and immediately your image swims into focus before me. There you are, haunting eyes, which seem to pierce my soul each time you look at me. They make me want to just reach in and pull out whatever is troubling you. We all have our pasts and as much as I am reluctant to share mine, whenever I look into those brown eyes I long to protect you from yours. Maybe it's because it's easier to deal with someone else's than your own. I think about getting up. I could jump in a cab and be at your place in twenty minutes but that's not the point. What would I say when you opened the door? It's only been a couple of hours since I saw you last. I feel like a needy fool.
Thing is, despite being ashamed and fighting against it, I am a needy fool and that's what really scares me. How did this happen? How did I get this pathetic? Where the fuck is the strong independent woman I thought I was? How did you worm your way through my defense? Really, it's all your fault.
Don't get me wrong, there have been several false attempts, but until you, no one has managed to break down the wall I took years to painstakingly build up. It doesn't matter why; the simple truth is sleeping without you never feels right. I wonder what you are doing. Reading in bed no doubt, never without a book by your side, the dog curled up at your feet. I close my eyes once more, if I can't be next to you, then dreams may quench my thirst.
Standing outside your bedroom door. I cautiously
turn the cold brass handle and there you are in bed, on your back, half naked
and deliciously sexy. The bedside light is still on, casting a low glow on
to your sleeping body. My eyes travel up your half covered body, lingering
on the bare, smooth flesh of your skin, the creamy color of my morning latte.
As if you sense someone watching, you turn over onto your side, away from
me, dropping the book to the floor with a thud. Quietly, I slip off my t-shirt,
wiggle out of my jeans before I slip into bed next to you. I softly run my
hands up your lower back, towards your shoulders, breathing in your familiar
and comforting scent - clean and male. I feel myself instantly relax, feeling
safe and secure next to you. My hands trail up over your chest, loving the
softness of your skin, the curves of your body. I feel your body tighten and
tense as you sense me against you. I move myself closer so my breasts are
pressed against your back, my hips meeting your buttocks. Your hand runs down
my thigh and you snuggle back into me as you murmur your approval of my presence.
I wrap my arms tighter around you and we fall into a blissful, protective
© Melt Magazine 2003